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【他人の目を気にしない方法】「他人の目を気にしない」ではなく「他人を見てしまうのをやめてみよう」。

f:id:kannso:20171113174501p:plain

他人の目が気になる皆さん、そのことを誰かに話すと、必ずこう言われませんか。

誰かさん

他人はあなたのことなんてそんなに見てないよ!

私も他人の目が気になる人間の1人なのですが、どうもこの言葉には納得できない部分があるんです。

今回はそのことについて書きたいと思います。

「他人の目を気にするな」と言われてもそうできないのは、私が他人のことをかなり見てるから

f:id:kannso:20171113172410p:plain

「他人の目を気にするな」と言われても、私は他人のことをかなり見ているんですよ。

例えば知人と2人でカフェにいたとします。目の前の知人の顔の表情、動きなどから自分がどう思われているかを考えるのは当然、隣のテーブルで談笑するスーツ姿のおじさまたちも、コーヒーを運んできてくれる若い女性の店員さんも、同じように全部じっくり見て考えています。

店を出れば、すれ違う人の、特に顔の表情を中心によく見させてもらっています。

幸か不幸か、長年の眼球の酷使にも関わらずかなり視力がいいので、街ですれ違う赤の他人の毛穴までしっかり見ています。

数年前まで、これらを無意識にやっていました。

したがって、

私がこれだけ他人を見ている=私も他人から同じようによく見られている

と思っていたんです。

少なくともここに他人をガン見する人間が1人いるのだから、世間にはもっとたくさんいるよね?と。

だから「他人の目を気にするな」と言われても、私が他人のことを見ているように、他人の目も自分に向けられていると思っているから、いまいち響かないし納得できなかったのです。


実際に他人から見られているという自覚がある

f:id:kannso:20171113173200p:plain

加えて、私には他人から見られているという自覚がありました。

私が特に派手な格好をしているとか、絶世の美女orブ女というわけではありません。

街に出ると、ものすごく人に見られている。つまり、大勢の他人と目が合っている感覚があるんです。

なぜか?

「私が他人の目を見ているから」です。

目を向けられた相手は「なんだ?」と思って目からビームが飛んできた方に視線を向けますよね。

他人の目を無意識に見ていた私は、その行為に自覚がなかったので、勝手に「他人から見られている」と思い込んでいたのです。


そもそもなぜ他人の目を気にするようになったのか

そもそもなんでそんなに他人の目を気にするようになったんだろう。

私が思い当たるのは、

  • 小学生の頃、年上のやんちゃな男子集団に目をつけられていたこと。

→ からかわれないように、変なところがないようにと見た目を気にするようになった。

  • 幼少期から、両親の機嫌を損ねないように、顔色をうかがっていたこと。

→ 無意識に他人の顔の表情の変化に敏感になった。

他にもいろいろな要因の積み重ねだと思いますが、

大きくはこの2つだと思います。

当為

きっと皆さんにも何か思い当たる節があるのではないでしょうか。




他人の目が気になるメカニズム

f:id:kannso:20171113173359p:plain

何かの原因によって他人の目が気になるようになる

他人が自分を見た時にどのような反応を見せるか気になるからガン見する

私は他人のことをめちゃくちゃ見てるから、周りの人間も同じくらい自分を見ているのではと思いこむ

見られた他人は「なんだ?」と気になってこちらに視線を向ける

他人から見られてる!

他人の目が気になる(繰り返し)

私が考える他人の目メカニズムはこうです。

当為

こうしてループから抜け出せなくなるのではないかと思います

他人の目が気になる時の対処法

f:id:kannso:20171113173612p:plain

私が普段意識的にやっている方法をご紹介します。

他人の目を見ない!

かなり単純なのですが、私はこれを意識して外を歩くだけで、まるで違った世界にいるような感覚になります。

これは、私が他人の目を見てしまうことで相手から視線を向けられてしまうという、実際に起こってしまっているアクションを生じさせないことで、「他人から見られている」という感覚を軽減するというもの。

やり方

外出時に、とにかく道ですれ違う人の目を見ないこと。

「見ない!見ない!」と頭の中で声を発しながらとりあえず最寄りの駅まで耐えます。

数分~数十分でも実行できれば、自分の視界に他人の瞳がない=他人の目が気にならないという解放感を味わえるはずです。


最後に

以上に記したように、私は、他人の目が気になる人とは、他人をよく見ている人ではないかと思います。

したがってそのような人には、

「他人はあなたのことなんてそんなに見てないよ!」

「他人の目なんて気にするな!」

と声を掛けるのではなく、「ちょっと他人を見てしまうのをやめてみよう」と提案すべきだと考えます。


最後まで閲覧して頂きありがとうございました。

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